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How I get ready: Karl Pilkington

I don’t go anywhere fancy, because I don’t want to go somewhere where there’s a rule about clothes. If someone says you’ve got to dress in a formal way, that’s basically saying to me, “You’re not welcome.” I’m already on edge, because I don’t really like going out, so I don’t want to have to wear clothing that isn’t me, such as a suit.

I have five pairs of cargo pants and five jumpers, and one has a shirt built in. It’s a grey V-neck jumper with a collar and a bit of the shirt sewn in. It’s trickery clothing. It looks smart – I could even put a tie on with it, if I wanted. I got it from River Island. I thought it was a two-for-one offer – a shirt and a jumper for 19 quid – until I got home. My partner Suzanne’s happy for me to wear my shirt and jumper all-in-one, but my walking trainers annoy her. They are a thick trainer that gives me support, because I have a bad back. There is no point me having a great dinner if my feet aren’t happy.

I know a lot of blokes are into man bags, but I prefer pockets and that’s what cargo pants offer. Dungarees should make a comeback – they had a decent-sized pocket on the front for an iPad, phone and keys.

Since 2005, we’ve not had an iron or ironing board. We lived in a small flat and we had an ironing board behind the door, and every time you opened the door, it fell on you. I thought, “Right, we’re hardly ever using it – let’s get rid of it.” Once you’ve lived without one, you realise that if you put your clothes on early enough, the creases go. I don’t know what this obsession is with getting rid of creases – they’re even doing it to testicles now. You can have ’em ironed! Ridiculous.

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