Roy Hodgson, manager, England
Reggie Yates, TV and radio presenter Ah, bless him. He doesn’t have any natural flair, so he’s gone for something safe. You’re in the spotlight as England manager and that’s hard if you don’t care about clothes. But picking a suit kinder to your body shape would help.
Ken Loach, film and TV director He looks on the verge of needing a “manly belt”, the sort that used to be advertised in Sunday newspapers for the fuller figure. He’s quite dapper, but I don’t think football managers should be dapper. I want to feel that they’re doing a day’s work at the coalface.
Simon Chilvers, men’s style director, matchesfashion.com Oh Roy, you’re such a spoilsport, banning the Wags from Miami for a pre-World Cup jaunt with guaranteed paparazzi chaos. But at least that decision has a point of view, unlike this outfit. The burning question here is: which ex-politician donated him their entire tie collection?
Lionel Messi, Barcelona/Argentina
RY I won’t forget this outfit for a while. The cut fits, it’s a nice suit, but the fabric! I would wear a red jacket and dark trousers, maybe. Messi isn’t usually this flamboyant and he’s had a haircut – his hair is usually a mess. That makes me think someone has helped him with the styling; they’ve gone a bit far.
KL Ah, Lionel. He’s obviously an MC in a northern nightclub. Batley Labour Club. He’s got the shiny suit, the clip-on bow tie. I don’t believe that’s tied – as the evening progresses, one end will swing down and hang by a single press stud. This is spectacular misjudgment. To look in the mirror and not think there’s something wrong? It looks massively uncomfortable and it’s going to crinkle.
SC It is fair to say that Lionel has a ritzy side. If this slice of suit, shimmery in rich rouge, complete with waistcoat and super razzy bow tie, wasn’t evidence enough, just look up the pictures of him in a polka-dot blazer with a matching dickie. Half of me applauds his daring while the other half is thankfully distracted by his companion’s earrings.
Joachim Löw, manager, Germany
RY He’s a well-dressed man. Putting aside the hair, he wears clothes that suit him – classic trousers, with the white shirt and a cardigan. He has the cool, reserved look a manager should have. There’s a big difference between a grandad cardigan and one like this. He’s on the right side of the line.
KL You expect to see slippers with the cardigan, and the watch is far too ostentatious. The cardigan is not there for use. Just put a jacket on. And a T-shirt with a cardigan is not a great idea. It all looks pretentious. I want to see managers getting down with the lads.
SC I prefer it when the German manager plays the power polo-neck card. There’s something brilliantly arch about them, while a cardigan just looks a bit wet. Personally, I’m dying to get Löw into some Saint Laurent.
Jack Wilshere, Arsenal/England
RY This is a clean and cool look. His haircut is popular in the Arsenal team – [Mesut] Özil has it, too. It’s the 2014 version of the shaved head that was popular with footballers a few years ago. This is more classic, though, and you look less like a thug. The tattoos are pretty standard for a young guy now – Jack’s part of that generation.
KL The shirt isn’t great. I’d sooner have long sleeves and rolled them up. He could still show off his tattoos. I don’t like it when some players have long sleeves and some short. It’s not a team strip then. And I don’t like the multicoloured boots. Nothing wrong with black boots. He will get paid a lot for wearing them, and that’s why I don’t like them. In an earlier incarnation, Jack Wilshere would have had the mullet. The mullet belongs on the football field. Think of the great players it’s graced.
SC I’m guessing in footballing circles that Jack is a bit of a hunk. A footballing Harry Styles, if you will. Frankly, there’s not much to say about this kit – it is what it is, a uniform – and dear God I’m bored of tattoos. But the yellow boots are something. Almost.
Fabio Capello, manager, Russia
RY I’ve seen this look loads of times before – the belted jacket, chinos and desert boots. It’s relaxed and classic but the elements aren’t right. The jacket looks cheap and the desert boots are old and scruffy. They need to be replaced. The ideas are there, but the clothes are all wrong.
KL Now that looks more appropriate clothing for a football manager. He’s got shoes that will keep out the wet. He’s not looking piss-elegant; dapper, but not pretentious. I think that’s really suitable gear for a football manager. He’s obviously just given up the England job, from the smile on his face.
SC This is the kind of outfit that many men just seem to end up in at some point in their lives. It’s sensible clothing: warm coat, beige chinos. You can tell that Capello hasn’t skimped, though – that coat looks expensive. I like his suede boots.
Didier Deschamps, manager, France
RY This is really bad – again, because it doesn’t fit. I have learned that a good tailor is worth their weight in gold. Managing a team does put you under scrutiny, and he’s in the José Mourinho school of dressing with the peacoat. It’s hard to find a peacoat that looks bad, but he’s managed it.
KL He’s got that, “Oh God, they’ve rumbled me” look: “I’ve picked the wrong subs.” It’s natty. They’re all too natty. I wouldn’t want the manager of my team, Bath City, wearing those shoes. There’s always a danger you might tread in something. They don’t look as if they’ve seen enough action. The coat’s no good if it rains. I wouldn’t go to a football match in that.
SC Roomy overcoats are big news for autumn/winter, so Didier, as a Frenchman, clearly knows his sartorial onions. It might all be a bit boring but there are worse trademarks than a classic black overcoat.
Danny Welbeck, Manchester United/England
RY It’s quite simple, this look, isn’t it? But it’s weird that someone earning a lot bought what looks like an off-the-peg suit. He probably paid good money for it, but the trousers are baggy and the jacket doesn’t quite fit. I always like his hair. Fair play to anyone who has a Fresh Prince-style flat-top in this decade.
KL He’s a smart young man. He looks like a coiled spring. Quite crisp. What’s he clutching in his hands? He obviously can’t go out without his phone and whatnot. I think he’d look better if he didn’t have his hands full. But quite natty.
SC Danny, Danny, Danny. You’re a good-looking man, but what the hell is that belt? All I can see is that belt. A belt that looks as if it came from a supermarket clothing range for 99p. And the purple shoelaces. Disaster. When you’re wearing a plain suit, accessories stand out. Scrimp here and pay the penalty.
Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid/Portugal
RY This is horrible. He is trying to be stylish but it looks cheap – even though those hi-tops probably cost a lot of money, and he has the Gucci belt buckle. He can look good in a suit because he’s got that physique, but he’s gone wrong with casual – far too busy. He always has too much gel in his hair, too.
KL Shocking. Everything is too tight. What’s with the chain? Perhaps it’s a specialist interest. The shoes are the worst. Start at the bottom: if your feet are uncomfortable, nothing else works. The trousers look extremely uncomfortable. Cufflinks with those shoes is a complete mismatch of styles. The waistcoat is far too tight – it suggests he’s carrying a bit. Young Cristiano displays a shocking lack of taste.
SC Forget his pants line (I’ve been trying to since I saw it); did you know you could buy a Ronaldo ashtray? Amazing. But I digress. This outfit, with its snooker-player waistcoat, too-tight jeans and Gucci belt, is crying out for a clutch bag and some serious man-jewels. Must try harder.
Andrea Pirlo, Juventus/Italy
RY This is a very Italian-smooth-guy take on facial hair – it isn’t mountainous or unkempt. We’ll probably see that with the whole Italian team. They all have that sartorial flair, so he fits in. We’ll miss seeing this look when he retires after Brazil.
KL Nice football strip. I do have a thing for a black and white stripe. He’s obviously thought about the hair and beard quite a lot. The high neck is a bit vain. You’ll feel as if you’re choking when you need to breathe. Eric Cantona wore his collar up high, but there were special rules for King Eric. He just had a sense of presentation.
SC Andrea likes wine and looks good in monochrome striping. That’s a powerful combination, no? He also has the hair of a Hollywood leading man – someone who’d play an action hero but with a sensitive side. Bonus beard points, too. Go, Andrea!