Fashion Brief
When you are doing the red carpet, you can dress either for the cameras or to have a nice time. Everyone goes through a stage where they think, “I’ll put on Spanx and wear a corset” (and there is no doubt that you will look better in photos), but after an hour and a half, you’ll be cross and uncomfortable and desperate to leave.
I like a pair of reasonably smart trousers, a jacket and a low-cut top. I have abandoned high heels: at big showbiz parties, I’ve noticed that all the men stand around comfortably doing business and arranging to make something amazing happen, while all the women are just looking for somewhere to sit down.
I get pretty hot when I go to these things, so I wear as little makeup as I can get away with (although a false eyelash works wonders, and a bit of orangey-red lipstick). I used to wear a lot of black eyeliner, but if you laugh or someone throws a drink in your face, you end up with black running down your face, and I don’t have the elegant poise to carry that off.
My hair is shortish and blondish. It’s taken me 37 years to realise I cannot get my hair beyond shoulder length – it just goes awful and wispy. If I chop it off, I look as if I am making some sort of statement but, in fact, it’s just because my hair won’t grow past my ears.
A glass of champagne and a bit of Jay Z or Beyoncé gets me in a party mood. I did the Single Ladies dance for Sport Relief, but for the record I can’t remember the steps: so to anyone at parties or weddings who wants to form a circle around me until I do it, I can’t remember it, and that is effectively bullying.
Katy Brand’s show I Was A Teenage Christian is at the Edinburgh Fringe festival until 29 August
