M: Hey, E. Game of Thrones is back.
E: I don’t really do fantasy. If there isn’t a Scandinavian with marital problems standing over a dismembered corpse in a Copenhagen industrial estate, I’m really not interested, TV-wise.
M: Well, you’re the only one this side of Westeros, E. Dwarves are hot stuff. Not to mention dragons, beheadings, wildlings, ice zombies, horse-riding hordes, sorcerers, face changers …
E: Face changers, you say? See, this interests me. I could do with a new face.
M: Phew, I’m glad. Because, E – and this came as a revelation – this ridiculous show has ridiculously wearable makeup looks.
E: I’ve been reading up. The women of Westeros seem to have plenty of time to perfect their flawless, natural makeup, despite all the revenge killing, sex and political machinations that keep them busy. They are admirable multitaskers.
M: I am not. My daily look is pretty much Osha, wildling of the north. Except with less mud on my face and more croissant crumbs on my sack cloth.
E: Yes. I look like Arya Stark, the muddy girl-boy urchin, except about a hundred years older. So it was time we gave ourselves a Game of Thrones makeover, inspired by some of the more glamorous figures on the show.
M: A courtesan and a shadow-birthing witch, no less. Role models both.
E: This is how we did it.
Get Shae’s look
Age: How old do you want me to be?
Distinctive features: Well-behaved bed hair. Flawless, natural complexion. Smouldering eyes. Just-bitten lips. Cheeks in the last throes of post-coital flush. Been there, done that eyebrows.
Hair: Easy if your hair is naturally curly: apply a dollop of Label M Soufflé (£12.95) to towel-dried hair. Part in the centre, twist sections around your finger, leave to dry in hot dragon breath, brush through with fingers and pin back. If you have straight hair, you’ll need to get creative with curling tongs.
Base: To get Shae’s barefaced look, start with well hydrated skin. The hyaluronic acid in Malin + Goetz’s Vitamin E (£36) is great at plumping up the skin and leaves no residue. Mix a bit of Becca Radiant Skin Satin Finish Foundation (£32) with more of the moisturiser for a sheer, healthy looking base, then conceal any hormonal spots and syphilitic boils with Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer (£18.50). Finish with a dusting of Becca translucent Blotting Powder Perfector (£29) – shiny noses are frowned upon in King’s Landing.
Eyes: Shae cultivates a butter-wouldn’t-melt look. Revlon Photoready Primer and Shadow in Metropolitan (£8.99) is the perfect palette of innocent pinks and shimmering neutrals to define the eyes. Start with a layer of champagne-pink primer, then sweep the soft pewter into the crease and around the eyes as a soft liner. Finish with a smudge of soft brown pencil (I used Armani Smooth Silk Eye Pencil 2, £18) and lots of mascara. You’ll need a heavy hand with the brow pencil to achieve that look of utter contempt.
Cheeks: Apply a soft pink creamy blush to the apples of your cheeks. Or just give them a good pinch.
Lips: A good balm is all you need: it’s bound to come off sooner or later anyway. Vaseline Rosy Lips (£2.18) does what it says on the tin.
Verdict: It’s my face, but better. Well played, Shae. Well played.
Get Melisandre’s look
Profession: Priestess. Royal mistress. Pyromaniac.
Age: Older than galaxies, perpetually reborn. Who’s asking?
Distinctive features: Porcelain perfection, lustrous copper locks and a soft, feminine, approachable look, belying whole murderous-shadow-birthing-dark-night-full-of-terror-prophesying schtick.
Hair: Resentfully buy a highly flammable ginger Dolly Parton wig and drag a hairbrush through it, cursing the fact that being bald and living with three men means a total dearth of hair accessories. Hold back with novelty elastic bands.
Base: Porcelain priestess perfection demands primer: I use Laura Mercier’s excellent Foundation Primer (£29). On top, I apply Suqqu’s pricey Frame Fix Cream Foundation (£62). It gives heavier coverage than I normally like, but I have to admit, it really does the business, giving me noticeably radiant, smooth skin. I add and blend Chantecaille Total Concealer (£32) for under-eye bags, and my beloved Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage (£26.50) for blemishes, dragon bites and wildfire burns. To finish off, a dusting of Laura Mercier Mineral Powder (£31).
Eyes: Eyelid primer is my new jam: Becca’s Eye Priming Protector (£19) gives a smooth base for shadow and takes down my usual mole-rat redness. For Melisandre’s rosy-toned neutral lids, I use a wash of pinkish nude and a mid-brown near the lash line from my entirely brilliant Becca Sunchaser quad (£32), plus a touch of a pale iridescent shadow (the paler shade in the Nars Bellissima duo, £25) to highlight. If I had lashes, I’d leave it here and add a good brown mascara, but I don’t, so I have added a gentle lash line of Bobbi Brown Gel Liner in the natural, brown-grey Granite (£16.50).
Cheeks: For a really delicate touch of colour, I use Armani Blushing Fabric in “Translucent Strawberry” (£29), but something like Benetint would work well too.
Lips: Melisandre keeps it natural for spitting curses. Nars Dolce Vita lippie (£18.50) is exactly the same colour as my lips but better, somehow.
Verdict: My bloodthirsty direhound (simple-minded whippet) growls madly at me when I walk in in my full Melisandre look, which I think says it all. EVIL. In a strangely alluring package.
Now we’d like to see what you can do. You can share your Game of Thrones makeover photos via GuardianWitness by clicking on the blue ‘Contribute’ button or if you’re out and about you can download the free GuardianWitness app for smartphones. We hope to make a gallery of your best makeovers.