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39 signs you are in the Kinfolk cult

Kinfolk magazine launched in Portland five years ago to resounding hype. Based around the slow-living movement – which as the name suggests, encourages people to live a self-contained lifestyle, reconnect with the earth, shun technology where possible and drive a bit less – it fast became a bible for an alternative aspirationalism based around distressed furnishing, cable knits, blood oranges and “quiet” breakfasts.

Different to the hipsters, Kinfolk folk have simpler goals. This irks Los Angeles-based writer Summer Allen, who launched the Kinspiracy blog in 2012 after finding her Instagram feed littered with Kinfolk covers, latte art and twine scissors.

She finds the whole vibe of pseudo-simplicity “elitist”. If any of this resonates with your lifestyle (or, you know, if you have a “lifestyle”), there’s a good chance that you have fallen into the Kinfolk cult. So, how many of the following traits apply to you …

1. You have very strong feelings about ramen.

2. At least two of your friends consider themselves to be salt gurus.

3. You have never killed a plant.

4. Your style mantra is W.W.M.H.D (what would Margaret Howell do).

5. Half of your wardrobe is inspired by “pre-dawn”.

6. You have, on more than one occasion, tripped over a hurricane lamp when leaving the house.

7. You genuinely believe food tastes better outdoors.

8. You cannot understand why denim would be anything other than raw.

9. You regularly consider “knocking through”.

10. You wear Springcourt pumps.

11. Most of your furniture could concuss a small child.

12. You would bet your firstborn that there is more than one shade of white.

13. A day spent looking for the perfect cup is a day well spent.

14. You consider crabbing an “essential” skill.

15. You own several breton tops by Saint James, the thought of owning one from somewhere else makes you weep.

16. You think about light several times a day.

17. Your cupboard contains more than one egg cup.

18. None of these are novelty.

19. Spending more on a plain canvas apron than a whole outfit in Zara is not unheard of.

20. You’re familiar with the idea of Renaissance juicing.

21. You can pronounce Antipodium. Ditto Marimekko and terrarium.

22. You know what a terrarium is.

23. You have been mistaken for a manual labourer on more than one occasion.

24. You value “time autonomy”.

25. You know what time autonomy means.

26. You’re very comfortable with the concept of Kickstarter.

27. A large part of your weekend is spent delinking.

28. You know what delinking involves.

29. Your Instagram feed features any of the following: pesto, “sprigs”, a terracotta pot containing a cactus.

30. Dinner parties are called “gatherings”.

31. “Liquid soap”.

32. You’ve read less than 40% of the material on your coffee table.

33. As a rule, your children will only wear itchy clothes.

34. Your bedside table would break most health and safety standards (think: exposed light fittings, unvarnished wooden surface).

35. You would consider your dog to be “low-key”.

36. You’ve written something that could be considered an essay after leaving university.

37. You regularly use any of the following words in dialogue: sensibility, undertone, unfussy.

38. You regularly use the word dialogue.

39. You have, at one point, bought a candle from somewhere other than Ikea.

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